one might say we're banned from that church
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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