You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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