you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
