all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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