I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
