i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
