he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
