listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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