I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
