yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
