I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
