I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
