hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
