So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
