tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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