it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
