What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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