just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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