dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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