Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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