I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
