i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
