She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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