I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
worst night to have a conscience
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
