oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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