I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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