If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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