We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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