He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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