I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
