i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
