sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
