I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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