some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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