I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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