apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
