glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize