The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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