I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
