Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
