I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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