the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want a musical about memes.
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