I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
