I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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