I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
