remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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