with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
