And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
