i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just pee around me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
