Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
