This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
