Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
