Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
