I wish I could teleport
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
