I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
