Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
