You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
