Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
