So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
