Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she told me i tasted like america
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
