You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize