btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
