I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
