a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
