the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
