I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
