When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
