We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
