the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
