We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So here I am, sexting at work.
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