god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
