Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just invented taco cereal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize