You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
