Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
