bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
